Letters to My Daughter

Life is about the routines, the behaviors that you perform each and every day. I believe its important to act on the values that you have, to instill in yourself the acts that will bring you towards a larger goal. For most people today, there is no larger goal. Life is a set of routines: wake up, go to work, eat, sleep, shower, pray. Does one act mean more than another? Sure, depending on what your values are, certain acts are more meaningful than others. Each individual has a set of values that she enacts in her routine. In the routine, I find that certain values are not being played out. I find that certain values are absent and that if anything, I am in trouble because I have not delivered on what I had promised. I am not holding up to my side of the bargain. In those instances, I am deceiving myself. I am annoyed with the endless tasks to do, and the responsibility of it all. On one hand, I want total control and responsibility; on the other hand, I wish others would just "tak...

Some days, I wish I could disappear. I wish I would access to the opportunities and freedom to live independently, to make independent choices, to have the option to choose how to spend my morning. There are days I wish I could book a flight and fly to another part of the country, another part of the world for work, or for pleasure, for necessity, for any reason at all just because I was an independent woman. I am not an independent woman. I am "tethered" to a house and a family in suburban New Jersey. There are days I like being tethered and then there are days that I wish I could be tethered elsewhere, and be more selective about who I am tethered to. I am surprised by the lack of possibility that exists for me now. I miss the urban sprawl of my life, though I admire the many advantages to a clean, noise-free, isolating life of suburbia. I am quickly becoming a woman gone to waste. I am highly dissatisfied certain mornings when the first thing I have to do is clean up after...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - November 25, 2009 Statement by the President on Hajj and Eid-ul-Adha "Michelle and I would like to send our best wishes to all those performing Hajj this year, and to Muslims in America and around the world who are celebrating Eid-ul-Adha. The rituals of Hajj and Eid-ul-Adha both serve as reminders of the shared Abrahamic roots of three of the world's major religions. During Hajj, the world's largest and most diverse gathering, three million Muslims from all walks of life - including thousands of American Muslims - will stand in prayer on Mount Arafat. The following day, Muslims around the world will celebrate Eid-ul-Adha and distribute food to the less fortunate to commemorate Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son out of obedience to God. This year, I am pleased that the Department of Health and Human Services has partnered with the Saudi Health Ministry to prevent and limit the spread of H1N1 during Hajj. Cooperating on combating H1N1 ...

In todays NYT article , the story of Sarah Gellert is proof of the importance of remaining positive in difficult times. Gellert, who lived through multiple wars, economic downturns, epidemics, deaths, divorce, and the rest of it, now describes everything as "wonderful." She probably described everything as wonderful in her youth as well. She was born in 1910, and has witnessed the problem of evil multiple times in her life. Yet she chooses to remain resolute. I find her extraordinary. I would like to share this story with my grandpa, who is quintessentially a pessimist, and may even personify the Problem of Evil himself. He loves to accuse everyone of wrong, refuses to apologize, and has no appreciation for anyone or anything. He is difficult to be with, especially when he badmouths people you love with no thought to consequence. I think I am going to create a list of articles for my Nani to read. I want to give her the gift of the internet, and write her a letter describing...

My room, my mind, and the rest of my world is slightly upside down. I have lost, regained, and then lost again my perspective. I am not sure what the source of the conflict is, but I have some ideas about how to solve the problem, even if I don't know what the source is, I believe I can treat the symptoms. Today I found a banana in my bed. I am not sure how many days the banana was there. I had a banana in my purse, and the purse on my bed, and the contents of my purse somehow between my sheets. Also on the bed were folded clothes that have not made it into their proper chest of drawers. I have papers to be filed. Notebooks and papers are piled up on every available surface, including my desk. A banana in my bed means something about my state of mind, physical and otherwise. I am going away this weekend, so everything must be perfect before I leave. Food cooked, house vacuumed, clothes washed, bathroom decent. And of course there is packing to do; studying to finish; overdue librar...

As a famous artist once said, "Mo Money, Mo Problems." Indeed, it appears that having more money, coming from a colonial mindset that makes you seek money as the primary value of your work and more importantly your worth, money does indeed create problems. When someone comes from an upbringing in which money is inherited, a life in which there is an absence of want or need because the parents provided adequately and comfortably for children, money is merely a tool, NOT a an end in and of itself. Yet people who come from families in which there is or was no money, they will always judge you by how much you make. They judge you based on your profession, your income. They might be too cheap to buy expensive things because these things are considered wasteful, but ultimately, these people are and will always be cheap. People who are cheap are naturally attracted to partners who are not cheap, strangely enough. However, people who judge others by their profession are truly bankrup...

As a twenty-something year old, I have an uncanny affection for kite-flying. The love began in high school, when I was introduced to kite flying through my friend M. We followed the directions and built the kite with our own hands. We took our handiwork to the park. My first time kite flying, my approach basically involved running around until the kite picked up the wind. My technique, apparently, was not the orthodox way to fly a kite. Nevertheless, we relished the beauty of that day. Since 2006, I've asked others to fly kites with me. I've asked other members of my family. Today, I didn't ask anyone. I brought the kites-which my mother carefully brought from Bangladesh in her overstuffed luggage, a least a thousand miles away--and I tied the appropriate knots. My cousins who had many opportunities to fly kites in their youth, showed me the proper way to release and control the kite. We successfully got the kite to go as high as our house but the kite's time in the air...

16:111 "On the day that every soul shall come arguing on its own behalf; and every soul shall be paid in full for what it did, and they shall not be wronged." What has my soul done during this month of Ramadan? What has it done? What do I have to report? I have been fleeing from the reality of the world, hiding somewhere I don't recognize. I live in my office, my green striped prayer rug complimenting my dying cactus. (How and why is my cactus dying?) I live in my room. I eat, and sometimes nap in the adjacent room. I find little or no reason to leave this seat. I sit, and I sit. I sit until my legs ache. I sit and I watch. I watch until my eyes hurt. I read, write, and talk to my computer screen. I have no contact with people outside of my family. I think how different it was! How different was my last Ramadan! How focused, how keen I was on what I needed to do. This Ramadan has not been the same. Most of the day, I am trying problems, writing emails that no one respond...

TEMERITY: from the Latin, temere, meaning "rashly" The line that divides boldness from foolishness or stupidity is often a fine one. Someone who rushes hastily into a situation without thinking about the consequences might be accused of rashness, while temerity implies exposing oneself needlessly to danger while failing to estimate one's chances of success (: she had the temerity to criticize her teacher in front of the class). Audacity describes a different kind of boldness, one that disregards moral standards or social conventions (: he had the audacity to ask her if she would mind paying for the trip). Someone who behaves with foolhardiness is reckless or downright foolish (: climbing the mountain after dark was foolhardiness and everyone knew it), while impetuosity describes an eager impulsiveness or behavior that is sudden, rash, and sometimes violent ( | his impetuosity had landed him in trouble before). Gall and effrontery are always derogatory terms. Effrontery ...

On September 10, 2009, I sat on the steps of a random church with my friend of 10 years. I had not done this with her since our youthful days at Stuyvesant, when we often found ourselves cutting class only to go to the school library. She was fasting, so we couldn't peep into the cafes tucked away on Irving Street. We were both headed in different directions but we had agreed to meet because I was here, back in this city, after a month of fasting from New York. I was coming down from 167th and 8th, the Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital, where my other friend was induced into labor. In my hands, I carried a Trader Joe's bag full of sweets, cookies that my husband liked to eat. I had just bought Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame for $2--thats $2 more than I had reason to spend, especially for a book that I didn't have time to read. In her hands, my friend held a Strand bag. She asked me, "Can I show you what I bought?" I continued my litany of dou...

"Many students wage a fierce battle with self doubt throughout the application process. Still it is easy to see why this happens. Many students compare themselves to this imaginary perfect applicant and feel despondent upon realizing that they dont measure up in all respects. Reality does not usually justify this concern because no application have everything going their way like the fantasy applicant does. You need some measure of self confidence that you can do it. Without this confidence most students wont even begin the process of applying to graduate school. Someone's low estimation of your chances of getting into a graduate program may be based on the assumption that you will approach the application process the way that most students do. If this were true, then perhaps your chances of getting in would be slim."-- Dave G. Mumby How can I be more confident? Maybe reread my resume. Talk to people who love and adore me. Trust God for the best outcomes. How can I set my...

Reading the stories of leaders who embraced their individuality is important for defining my own path. I've been trying to learn more about career paths, reading about the paths and blogs and tweets of others in industries I am most interested in. I am trying to prioritize my day and life around the values that matter most to me, but mostly my interests center around my persona and material needs. This seems problematic, given that this is the month of fasting and increasing rewards with God. Yet, I am slightly disconnected from God. Some days, tarawee is much more intense than other days. Some mornings are much more productive than others. I think focusing on the present, on the dhuniyah, makes me a consummate fool. Yet, I feel like I need moments of foolishness to get anywhere. I am capable, intelligent, and talented, but without meaningful correspondences and work--what is there to reflect this state? There is no reason why more of my energy is not spent developing relationships...

An overwhelming feeling surfaces at moments, and threatens the equanimity that I have structured into my days. The overwhelming feeling arises from the uncertainty of career plans, of education, or even the timely payment of bills. Is it awful that at 24 I don't know what I want to be when I "grow up," that inevitably the growing up has been done and over with for at least 3 years since I got married--is that awful? Is it surprising that at this age, I only have a vague understanding of meaningful work, as described by those people profiled in the New York Times, or described in Social Innovation Magazine? Is it strange that I do not yet know where I am headed but that I have a desire only to move, to go somewhere so long as it is on the path towards God and employment? I want to stop paying $400 for health insurance when neither my husband nor I am gainfully employed. I am grateful for friends and family that provide some clarity on things. I appreciate the little joys ...

My husband and I attended a gorgeous wedding at the Franklin Plaza (pictured above) in Troy on September 4th, 2009. The couple, I had never met before, but have never felt so graciously welcome, not even at my own wedding. When I had gotten the Save the Date for the wedding on March 28, 2009, I had remarked how this would be my first Russian Jewish wedding. And indeed, it was in many ways, a "first" for me. It was the first time I had witnessed a Jewish-anything, let alone a wedding. I learned about various traditions within the Jewish terms and tradition: the CHUPPAH, as well as Ketubah, the Sheva Brachot (the Seven Blessing), and the Breaking of the Glass. All these traditions were explained beautifully in an elegant handout for guests. The rabbi and priest who ordained the ceremony gave talks that were relevant to us, the only Muslim couple in the audience. The priest remarked how in America, according to an Is There Hope for the American Marriage? ">artic...

Today is the second day of Ramadan, a time for atonement, reflection, and a healthy dosage of 16-hour hunger pangs. Ramadan is a lot like Christmas, except the gifts are from God. The lightness of being, the clarity of thought, the cleansing of the palette and the physical and emotional systems. The body and soul fasts. The body abstains from food and drink; the soul fasts from evils of the heart. The spirit is renewed because there is greater meaning than sitting in front of a computer taking CAT exams. There is more to life than the self. There is more to a house than cleaning rituals. There is more to life than this daily existence. The first few days of fasting, or abstaining from food and drink, during the summer is particularly difficult. In my daze, I actually threw out my family's iftaar, thinking somehow that the beans my mother cooked were meant to go in the garbage. To my dismay, they were freshly prepared for our evening meal, and I had, in some stupor, thrown the food...

"What most human beings really want to attain is not knowledge, but certainty. Gaining real knowledge requires taking risks and keeping the mind open—but most people prefer to be reassured rather than to learn the complex and often unsettling truth about anything." Human beings prefer to be reassured of what they already know, rather than to confront the "complex and often unsettling truth about anything." This applies to scientific discoveries as well as personal truths. For the most part, scientific discovery is not the result of the knowledge quest. During the Scientific Revolution, individuals sought to learn more about the universe God had created. When Copernicus developed a heliocentric theory of the universe, and challenged the geocentric norms of society, he was not attempting to gain more knowledge about the universe. He also was not trying to challenge the Church's teaching. In the process of scientific discovery, he found "unsettling truth...

Position: Saudi women are less represented in Saudi Arabian business than practically anywhere else on earth because of the repressive strain of Islam that prevents women from being visible and productive in the public sphere. Or as my friend says, "Saudi men won't let them!" I wonder if this is really the case. I think this position may be true. There is a lot of media reports that fuel this notion of the oppression of Saudi-Muslim woman and for the most part, I feel like these reports may very well be true. We all know about Saudi laws that hinder a woman's mobility. Perhaps there are laws that limit her access to education, employment, and other freedoms would make it difficult to live what we call productive lives. A woman who is relegated to the domestic sphere, in which her management tasks basically involve maintaining her home and family--this can be a limiting role. Women with entreprenurial abilities, talents, creativity--how and where do they channel their ...

Today's first session of the community arts program for seniors and young women had the beginnings of most failed operations. Transportation--which was my greatest obstacle in outreach, and program design--presented itself as a dilemma today as I was at the grocery store picking up items for the first day of program. The girls called to tell me that they had missed their bus. I immediately called the Board of Education, Transportation department. I will have a conversation with them tomorrow morning. It was quite a fiasco. The students did not know what time the bus left--no one had asked me that. I should have found out what time, and where the bus would be so I could tell the girls. I was just busy trying to get in touch with the girls, to see if they had even received their passes! I will need a new approach. I will need to send each student permission slips acknowledging how they will get home. I do not understand why I hadn't thought of that before. The session was great. ...

Today I threw away a piece of paper I had been carrying in my wallet, for 2 weeks now. I had kept this business card for a long time. I had felt its letters, the thickness of the quality paper on which was printed a name, a phone number, a title. I had kept the card for a long time and today I threw it away. I felt relieved to throw away the card. Why keep something you don't need? My wallet is overflowing with receipts, papers, (sadly not cash), but still, the coins I carry make my wallet heavy. This card made me heavy. I felt good to let it go. Why hold onto something you don't need? If it was a job that brought you displeasure, that consumed your public life, then why endure? There are no children to feed, no bills to pay. It is only a useless enterprise for things you cannot take with you when you die. Sometimes it is good to be let go of.. Sometimes, however, it is much easier to hold on to scraps and pieces of something, even when you know it is not the same, not what you...

"It is He who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love). WHen they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah their Lord saying: 'If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall ever be grateful" (Surah Araf, 189).

5/2017 Yaseen is now a sensitive and brilliant 8 year old. He is a young man who is taking care of his mother, and is her best friend. I remember this first meeting with Yaseen as a baby, and how overcome I was with emotion. In April 2015, when I was expecting Fatima,  I got a call from my dear friend about her impending divorce with Yaseen's father. It was just yesterday that I met this little baby who is now the man of his house. They live in Boston, and I hope to visit them one day. I call her, and ask about Yaseen once a month. I also sent her a birthday gift last year, when I remembered what it would feel like to be in her position. Our relationships are disappointing and fulfilling at the same time, and the wisdom in these early journal entries amazes me. There is so much for me to learn, now in my 30s, and so much for my young daughter to learn. My dear friend has not yet met my daughter, given the whirlwind of her life. I remember the nights when I was nursing Fatima, the ...

"Joining a radical movement when one is young is very much like falling in love when one is young. The girl may turn out to be rotten, but the experience of love is so valuable it can never be entirely undone by the ultimate disenchantment.” Irving Kristol's words resonated with me today as i considered the early days of activism that I thought defined me as an individual. I began to shift through old emails I had accumulated and was overcome by the nostalgia of a former self I did not recognize. I came across a conversation--how I love that our conversations these days are permanently saved on gmail-- that left me puzzled. In the conversation, my late friend Conor advised me to "recognize the one," to basically stop wandering when I had already arrived at clarity. How strange, that five years ago, he knew what I needed, what I still need to hear. He had told me this five years ago. Five years ago. How extraordinary is the life of every human being that finds herself...

I am happy to report that the world has changed dramatically since my last post. The World, with a capital W, has changed because of war, the new President, the market meltdown, and overall shoddy economic times. Given that there are many insightful, well written posts about the state of the world and its complexities, I will remain focused on my narcissistic musings, as I remember that was the original purpose of this blog. First, the world has changed for me. The preponderance of babies and weddings in the world has shown me how incredibly normal, humbling, and special it is to be part of the celebration of new relationships, to be in the presence of a product of those very things. Weddings, and celebrations, I imagined would be ending once marriage season ended, with friends getting married but now I am entering a world in which women (my age or not) are giving birth, buying houses, creating homes--being MARRIED. After two years, I must admit I am a rather unfortunate learner. In m...