Letters to My Daughter

Why Not Friendship (Revised Again) It is difficult to be merely a friend to a boy who seems more suitable as a husband. To be ready for the life partner, that dramatic change that you call marriage, you must be ready for (1) intimacy (of all sorts) (2)self-sacrifice (3)challenge and compromise. The warm permanence, fuzziness, or whatever else you previously used to characterize friendship is now more intense because you have found your best friend. It is as if appreciation and gratitude have conquered your chest and made the reality of trust and love more apparent. If he is your friend, he will understand your fear. You are a kid, a mere 20 something with virtually no life experience under your proverbial belt (you don't like constraining accessories like belts). Yet he is still worth the risk, but you wonder why he thinks you are worth the gamble. To regard someone as your spouse, to reference "our kids" casually in conversation, to think about niqqah, polygamy and marri

http://www.sufism.org/society/articles/GoodAndEvil.htm Q: One thing that helps me is that the Qur'an and hadith have lots of references to timelessness. Where God gives time, and this infinity defines not just the linear time that we're on, seen and unseen, but beyond the seeming events, and infinity includes all possibilities. So instead of just our lives being a linear sequence of events, some good and some bad, it's really a multi-dimensional continuum of all possibilities. We just happen to be sitting in one arbitrary spot. It's almost like you have a picture that's black and white. And it's not like there's presence and absence of good in one particular spot, and it just happened to reach an uncomfortable spot. It's not important whether it's opposite is included or not in the picture. I don't know if this is making sense. But the infinity completely negates good and evil. William Chittick: I would, in your discussion, I would object to the

"The pages of the book are like the heart. They turn easily." This is what Irfana told our beginner's Arabic class today. I spent some time with her after class, sharing with her the vague details of my life. She told me, "Sadia you have to protect your heart." Protection of the heart can mean many things. For instance, you should avoid foods that are high in saturated fat. This is common-sense protection of the heart. Then, there is the more significant kind of protection, one in which you avoid engaging in affairs that are potentially harmful for you. I have tried to advocate for platonic relationships long enough (three unsuccessful years), and I will state unequivocally now, THEY DO NOT EXIST. Alhamdullilah. (Rayad you win.) Best practices suggest that being close to a guy--any guy who isn't gay or isn't already married/taken-- means there will be emotional hangups. This principle of protection demands that you anticipate the normal patterns of human

Why does doing the right thing leave me feeling dejected and worthless? Why am I sad when I gain strength from my difference? What if I demoralize the rest, and set for myself these standards of conduct that are just not in sync with the rest of normativity? I convince myself, it is for Principle. But really I am a coward. I am risk-averse. I am unimaginative. I am bland, and spineless. This is the irony. What does it mean to do things for Allah? To make hajj was for Allah. To pray, to critically think about my relationship with God every now and again--these are things I do with the desire of pleasing God. But when is my pleasure, and what makes me happy a factor in my decision making? Not often. I have relinquished my happiness to Him but still momentarily feel wrought with emotions. It is far easier to follow the black and white world of right and wrong than it is to make decisions on a case to case basis, to think about the nuances in every situation. I suppose I am not for law sch