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The Overwhelming

An overwhelming feeling surfaces at moments, and threatens the equanimity that I have structured into my days. The overwhelming feeling arises from the uncertainty of career plans, of education, or even the timely payment of bills. Is it awful that at 24 I don't know what I want to be when I "grow up," that inevitably the growing up has been done and over with for at least 3 years since I got married--is that awful? Is it surprising that at this age, I only have a vague understanding of meaningful work, as described by those people profiled in the New York Times, or described in Social Innovation Magazine? Is it strange that I do not yet know where I am headed but that I have a desire only to move, to go somewhere so long as it is on the path towards God and employment? I want to stop paying $400 for health insurance when neither my husband nor I am gainfully employed. I am grateful for friends and family that provide some clarity on things. I appreciate the little joys of conversation, laughter, and insanity. Youth is gone, but the future demands responsibility and growth. I am grateful for the smallest moments shared in good company. It is only for a little while, after all. The stresses will pass. The work will increase. And at the end of the day, I will be where I aimed to be..

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