Why Not Friendship (Revised)- Repost

It is difficult to be merely a friend to a boy who seems more suitable as a husband than a friend. To reduce a potential life partner to a friend is immature and selfish. Friendship is the not the greatest type of relationship, but it is the safest. Friendship allows you to be intimate without the messiness of other things, like physical attraction, etc. Between friends, there is a warm permanence, a fuzziness that can be called appreciation and gratitude. There is also comfort and trust. Friendship is great if only for the possibility that one can know the beauty of another human being. The possibility of that is worth the difficulty of all else.

But sometimes friendship is not enough. Sometimes, to reduce someone to friend when he should be much more is an affront to the opportunity God has presented before you. It is like saying to him, I know that we are amazing together, but we should be friends because I am a dumbass. To reduce him to friend also precludes the possibility of love.

If he is your friend, he will understand your fear. He will help you with your cost-benefit analysis of why/why not friendship. However, the possibility of more will not always be there. He may not always be available for you. And you may not wait for him. The convoluted stages of a relationship--the concern, compassion, affection, wonder, confusion, happiness--may not develop if you decide that you have no courage for risks. There is a limit to which mutual understanding will terminate if you decide that he is too much of a risk. That termination point should not be created prematurely. That potential for love, too, must not be killed prematurely. Granted there is a lot of work, a lot of conscious effort, involved in a love-relationship, but these efforts must be agreed upon. If the love stirrs inside you in his company, then surely, your rational self cannot decide to end what is natural and normal and wonderful for you to feel.

Two scenarios arise from friendship-turned-relationship. Worst case scenario: the love is reciprocated but the timing is wrong. In the worst case, the time adds distance and frustration makes you weary of your other responsibilities. Best case scenario: Your mutual respect and love grow until both parties decide that each is irreplaceable. At this point, the desire for exploration ceases. And you get married.

I may not add more entries to the blog for a long time. I hope you have enjoyed what I given. Please call or write to me if you would like to discuss.

I miss my husband! I wrote this about him and it feels good to read it now, after all this time, this is what I return to. These posts, this writing, this way of thinking always fills me a gratitude because here lies the trajectory of my thought over the past 4 years. How greatly things have changed, and have remained the same. I am grateful I am able to see this transcript.