The following is a conversation I had with my adopted older brother, Zaheer. We've known each other for maybe four years, but he only recently became my friend. He thinks he knows me better than I know myself. Specifically, he does not trust that I can continue to make platonic male friends. He's wrong of course. Because the Sadia Method has worked for 19 solid years. This is an excerpt from a much longer conversation.
AZi93 (2:08:16 AM): i just want to MAKE FRIENDS
magicalretart (2:08:26 AM): a life friend
AZi93 (2:08:28 AM): nope
magicalretart (2:08:29 AM): cause ur sadia
magicalretart (2:08:31 AM): u say one thing
AZi93 (2:08:31 AM): haha
magicalretart (2:08:33 AM): and u mean another
AZi93 (2:08:40 AM): what? where is this coming from?
magicalretart (2:09:50 AM): the heart
AZi93 (2:10:10 AM): you're absolutely right
AZi93 (2:10:53 AM): fahad you know me so well [sarcasm]
magicalretart (2:12:23 AM): haha yeah thats why in 2.5 yrs
magicalretart (2:12:28 AM): ill need to get u a wedding gift
AZi93 (2:14:26 AM): so the fact that i say i m not interested in gettin gmarried means i want to get some action ASAP
AZi93 (2:14:45 AM): and that ill marry the first dude that talks to me?
magicalretart (2:15:00 AM): yes
magicalretart (2:15:04 AM): and if u said u liked him
magicalretart (2:15:09 AM): that would mean....the same thing actually
magicalretart (2:15:14 AM): so ur trapped either way
AZi93 (2:15:25 AM): that wouldnt be rational
magicalretart (2:16:12 AM): but ur not rational
magicalretart (2:16:14 AM): so it fits
AZi93 (2:16:16 AM): WHAT
AZi93 (2:16:31 AM): how am i not rational
AZi93 (2:16:44 AM): do tell zaheer
magicalretart (2:17:56 AM): U ARE SADIA
He does not believe that I want only to make friends and have excellent conversations with people. Instead, he gives me 2.5 years to get married. We have yet to set up the terms to his bet. The last bet we made was for the Superbowl and I won though the terms were not executed fully. I think mangoes with mustard and chilli peppers were involved. Anyway, he's going to lose again.
On Rationality. In my defense, I am a fully rational person. I appear irrational to others because my ideas and actions often conflict, but unlike the hypocrite, I do not profess to be more or less than I am. I am fully aware of the inconsistencies and am not afraid to voice them. I like to think I am surprising, that these inconsistencies are really just manifestations of my quirkiness. Nafisa calls me a "walking contradiction." I am a psuedo hijabi, progressively-labelled South Asian because of the work that I do, but my ideas are more in sync with my parents than they are with my peers.
On marriage. I am not opposed to marriage. I like the idea. Really I do. What I don't like is the imagined magnitude of its importance. I believe in good company and friendships. Friendships are the best and only kind of relationships I am comfortable with. My understanding of such things is that concern, interest, joy, appreciation, consistent wonder gradually evolve into love. And if that love grows over a long enough time, it cannot be removed by the other person's absence or negligance. People change and love changes. But what was there once there, I belive, can never be erased completely. Friendships leave indelible marks on the soul.
AZi93 (2:08:16 AM): i just want to MAKE FRIENDS
magicalretart (2:08:26 AM): a life friend
AZi93 (2:08:28 AM): nope
magicalretart (2:08:29 AM): cause ur sadia
magicalretart (2:08:31 AM): u say one thing
AZi93 (2:08:31 AM): haha
magicalretart (2:08:33 AM): and u mean another
AZi93 (2:08:40 AM): what? where is this coming from?
magicalretart (2:09:50 AM): the heart
AZi93 (2:10:10 AM): you're absolutely right
AZi93 (2:10:53 AM): fahad you know me so well [sarcasm]
magicalretart (2:12:23 AM): haha yeah thats why in 2.5 yrs
magicalretart (2:12:28 AM): ill need to get u a wedding gift
AZi93 (2:14:26 AM): so the fact that i say i m not interested in gettin gmarried means i want to get some action ASAP
AZi93 (2:14:45 AM): and that ill marry the first dude that talks to me?
magicalretart (2:15:00 AM): yes
magicalretart (2:15:04 AM): and if u said u liked him
magicalretart (2:15:09 AM): that would mean....the same thing actually
magicalretart (2:15:14 AM): so ur trapped either way
AZi93 (2:15:25 AM): that wouldnt be rational
magicalretart (2:16:12 AM): but ur not rational
magicalretart (2:16:14 AM): so it fits
AZi93 (2:16:16 AM): WHAT
AZi93 (2:16:31 AM): how am i not rational
AZi93 (2:16:44 AM): do tell zaheer
magicalretart (2:17:56 AM): U ARE SADIA
He does not believe that I want only to make friends and have excellent conversations with people. Instead, he gives me 2.5 years to get married. We have yet to set up the terms to his bet. The last bet we made was for the Superbowl and I won though the terms were not executed fully. I think mangoes with mustard and chilli peppers were involved. Anyway, he's going to lose again.
On Rationality. In my defense, I am a fully rational person. I appear irrational to others because my ideas and actions often conflict, but unlike the hypocrite, I do not profess to be more or less than I am. I am fully aware of the inconsistencies and am not afraid to voice them. I like to think I am surprising, that these inconsistencies are really just manifestations of my quirkiness. Nafisa calls me a "walking contradiction." I am a psuedo hijabi, progressively-labelled South Asian because of the work that I do, but my ideas are more in sync with my parents than they are with my peers.
On marriage. I am not opposed to marriage. I like the idea. Really I do. What I don't like is the imagined magnitude of its importance. I believe in good company and friendships. Friendships are the best and only kind of relationships I am comfortable with. My understanding of such things is that concern, interest, joy, appreciation, consistent wonder gradually evolve into love. And if that love grows over a long enough time, it cannot be removed by the other person's absence or negligance. People change and love changes. But what was there once there, I belive, can never be erased completely. Friendships leave indelible marks on the soul.
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