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A Friend Lost

The following is a character analysis of Z, 20-year old NYU student. He plays soccer and reads sports magazines. When I describe him to others, I never get past the fact that he is extremely pretty. In terms of his character, I can't offer anything substantive. I've excerpted our conversation because there is a lot to be said about this silly boy.

AZi93: so how can we be friends
AZi93: if you are always mean to me
Z: me
Z: u always birate me
Z: why do u think i dont talk to u that much
Azi93: you berate yourself
Z: cuz every convo is like u suck , ur not interesting
Z: ur not good enough
Z: ur boring
Z: ur stupid
AZi93: if i thought that, i wouldnt talk to you
Z: u have no wits
AZi93: z i think your lovely
AZi93: i told ou
AZi93: im harder on the people i care about
Z: yea
AZi93: and you know im kidding most of the time
Z: well just to let u know dont waste ur time
Z: cuz im not a good friend
AZi93: why not?
Z: well if i havent become a good friend by now it prolly wont happen
Z: i usually know within a few meetings
AZi93: so you think we wont be good friends?
Z: i dont know
Z: it hasnt started off good
Z: but things may change
Z: i dont get close with gurls though
Z: so ur already at a disadvantage
AZi93: boys can take a joke
AZi93: tehy are funny
AZi93: entertaining
AZi93: brilliant
Z: yea im not i get it
Z: thats why im not a good friend i told u
Z: but i usually know within a few times wehter i will like the person or their personality or if we match
AZi93: you dont think our personalities fit?
AZi93: i think they do
Z: i guess im seein somethin different

So this is an example of a friendship that will not work. I offered to let him coach me for fantasy football because I'm joining at least one league by the end of summer, but he declined. I've tried talking to him. Asking about his day. Giving him salaam. All to no avail.

This friendship cannot work because Z is insecure. Z is also impatient. A few months ago, I was Z. I thought that if I didn't like you in the first 60 seconds of meeting you, then I probably never would. I've since learned that human relationships are far more complicated than the first impression. There are many people who are neutral when you first meet them, and you come to love or hate them later depending on your effort, and energy level. There are people you think you connect with who turn out to be too insecure and sensitive for your company. People are not always compatible with each other.

Friendships must be built up over time. They are not easy. Given that they are the only relationships I believe are worth building at this moment, Z's impatience annoys me. I believe that I cannot be immediately smitten by someone, but that just means it will take more time and patience for friendship to develop. Z is a classic example of a boy who is uncomfortable with himself. He thinks he is dumb, which is absurd, and thinks that other people think he's less than what he is. If you are Z, I am not here to hold your hand and stroke your ego. And needless to say there is nothing that is more unappealing than the individual's feeling of lack of self-worth, dignity, or esteem. Your ideas about yourself, of Who You Are or Who You Will Be should always come first and foremost in your construction of self.

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