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Procrastinating on Death?

Procrastination. In a word, yes, that is the entire story of my life. May God forgive me for this..

Last night I went to a Islamic Finance event at Columbia University. I learned how many of my perceptions of the socioreligious movement/sector/industry were misinformed, ironically, by the last Islamic Finance event I attended at NYU Stern two years ago. At this particular moment in history, I can understand the necessity of welding ethics and financial institutions together. People have to believe in the institutions they adhere to. It is critical to understand capitalism as a global citizen and student. I am pretty sure Adam Smith would be furious with the excesses we've created in our free market system; yet understanding what currently exists is incredibly important.

Last night, I was also reminded of how good it is to have friends! I'm sure that is a no brainer for most people with social lives, but I turn on and off my social activities depending on necessity and my schedule. I am randomly unavailable for dinners, conversations, and social activities; and sometimes I almost have a yearning to see people, as if separation will cause my heart to gradually collapse. It is a strange but normal phenomenon.

I visited a friend at her apartment in Spanish Harlem. We had a fabulous dinner (cooked by my friend); drinks, and tried on silk evening gowns. I remembered how exciting it is to be a single woman in New York City. But more importantly, alhamdullilah,it is exciting to have sisters to support and share your independence as singe women. Sisterhood is an incredible force of good not just in our lives personally but in general. It is important to be surrounded by good people that keep you focused, and share your particular life stage.

I suppose my stage is that of a married woman; yet I find myself often wanting to be with single, graduate students. I find the lives of graduate students are incredibly romantic, daring and adventurous, much as I considered my life as a undergraduate at NYU full of whimsy and potential. But the grass always looks greener on the other side, the side or perspective that you currently do not satisfy. Of course there are married graduate students, but for the them the focus is on studies, and family.

Life is about doing. The contemplation of the personality, the temperament, and dimensions of character--these musing are fun but essentially irrelevant. The most active and alive I have felt was when I was working. I found my studies to be incredibly boring, except for the classes that required rigorous memorization, discipline, and computation-- When I was working, when I was active in the community, I felt alive by the connections I made with others. Not only connections, but NEW connections. I would like always to make new connections, which is why I love Twitter, as superficial as those connections are, it helps mitigate the loneliness that otherwise prevails.

Alhamdullilah. I am grateful for the people I have gotten to know and love, including of course my family. If I do not wake up tomorrow, I wonder what will be remembered? I have not contributed much to the happiness of my family, but I wonder still what my friends would remember?

My friend recently lost her father. She is 24 years old. Growing up in America, it seems like an awfully early age to be without your father. My mother also lost her father at around that age, and my Nani had to get my mother married. I cannot imagine what must be going through my friend's mind.

I procrastinated on the most important kind of reaching out. These days, writing on someone's Wall constitutes "reaching out" but I don't think that is appropriate. When death arrives, one must offer condolences in person, over the phone at the very least. What happened to writing cards? Providing acknowledgment? In our culture of non-confrontational emails, I would simply send her an email saying I'm sorry. Is that sufficient? I don't know. It's been a few weeks now, and I choose to make a change today.

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