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April 2007

April. May. That is the progression of months if you didn't know already. But that sequence sends chills up my spine, and beads of sweat under my pits. It signifies the end of college. The last four weeks before the end of college, and the official start to married life in the suburbs of New Jersey.

Life is about the relationships you make, about the friendships and moments you share with your loved ones. I made one pivotal relationship, and that was my husband. This blog was a huge part of that relationship because it was the medium through which we exchanged idea, which to me are the most interesting of things. Some girls like jewelry. Some girls like flowers. Others like postcards.

Since then, I have been self-enclosed in a bubble. I made the bubble with my impossible schedule, and endless appointments and activities. I've also chosen to do things by myself rather than with people. I have not scheduled time for friendships, lunches, dinners, parties, or the things that supposedly matter. I have stopped getting invited to fun things. I have felt at times overwhelmed by the real possibility that I will have no exisiting friendships after college, other than the ones I forge with the Wives. This is incredibly scary.

There are of course many people I hold dear to my heart. I can imagine that we may never speak and what is even scarier is the fact that I would eventually not notice these absences. Friendships take much effort, and I've been very lazy so far. I have spent the most time with my family, with forging relationships with my new family. I talk to my two best friends every day (or almost every day): Mohamed and my mother. I love spending Saturday morning chatting with my mom, cooking, cleaning, and talking business, work, family and fashion. I always want to make her happy, to bring her sweets whenever I come home. My dad, for him I always smile.

Is it too late to build meaningful relationships with people I want to keep on speeddial? Those girlfriends whose weddings and showers I want to conceivably help plan? There are people I wish I knew better, people that I had taken the time to schedule lunches with. I am going to take the first step.

People assume that because I am married, that I do not want to hang out. The correct assumption would be that because I am married, I want to do everything with my husband. But that does not exclude the possibility of doing things with PEOPLE other than my husband, or even things with people with my husband. I think this is an important correction I need to make.

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