Skip to main content

Self Evaluations

I suppose I reduce the world to black and white, good and bad, moral and immoral. I believe that my faith prescribes a certain system of conduct, and with that system, there are fundamentals. I think over time the fundamentals seem even more codified, even though I don't believe that God wants to make it hard for us to follow His laws. If He is infinitely merciful, then the decisions we make should be pleasing to first Him and then us. Our happiness, like Paradise now, should not be entirely sacrificed because what would God want from such a sacrifice? What would be the point of such sacrifice for God? What does it mean for me to say that these sacrifices are for something Higher, Greater, Unknown that I cannot explain in rational terms?

Why do we continue to deny ourselves with the promise of Paradise? Why can't paradise be now? There is a balanced way to live our lives that keeps Islam in the center, but does not reduce the world to a Muslims-only bubble. I don't know if I am growing or regressing with my ideas. I do not always feel there is evolution of thought. Most of the ideas I present are experienced in this moment of stagnation. I feel essentially stagnant. My soul, my work, my ideas--nothing is moving right now.

The world became smaller when I paid $120 in fines for sheer stupidity, and laziness. I paid in my grades, for a 11 day old paper on nationalism, and gender in India that was an A+ marked down to a B+. For philosophy, I was marked down from a B+ to C+ due to delinquency, and general disregard for deadlines. I have to do four seminars instead of two because I forgot to apply to a program. I had my colleague finish my report for work when I failed to have it ready for a deadline. I am denying myself my potential because of my lack of discipline, under the aupices of "nonexistent work ethic." I have denied myself the comfort of home and sleep, because I sit before my computer idly wasting time. I have denied myself good company because I can't keep my thoughts inside. I've written more letters of apology than actual papers. And I have brought down Prophet Isa's name on top of it all. Astagfirullah.

Instead of these internal musings, I may just post my papers and have you read them. Personal reflection may just be too draining during exam time. My blog is supposed to be theraputic, but other than the joy of writing, I do not see any progress, or evolution in my behavior, conduct, or the sudden acquisition of discipline.

Dates:

5: Board meeting
weekend: learn a semesters worth of material in a day (i sincerely love studying for exams)
5-9: Crazy seminar week, career development
12: Final
19: Paper, Final
24-13 : Away
There's a third final, but I don't know when or where or on what...

Comments

  1. A12/01/2005

    You probably thought Maid Marian was an immoral whore, ehehehe. I'd like credit for these worthless quizzes.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Not Friendship (Revised)- Repost

It is difficult to be merely a friend to a boy who seems more suitable as a husband than a friend. To reduce a potential life partner to a friend is immature and selfish. Friendship is the not the greatest type of relationship, but it is the safest. Friendship allows you to be intimate without the messiness of other things, like physical attraction, etc. Between friends, there is a warm permanence, a fuzziness that can be called appreciation and gratitude. There is also comfort and trust. Friendship is great if only for the possibility that one can know the beauty of another human being. The possibility of that is worth the difficulty of all else. But sometimes friendship is not enough. Sometimes, to reduce someone to friend when he should be much more is an affront to the opportunity God has presented before you. It is like saying to him, I know that we are amazing together, but we should be friends because I am a dumbass. To reduce him to friend also precludes the possibility of love
7 comments
Read more
Malcolm Gladwell. "Getting In: The Social Logic of Ivy Leage Admissions" http://www.gladwell.com/2005/2005_10_10_a_admissions.html Major themes: 1. Passion is a significant contributor to success. 2. High intelligence means little without discipline and passion. "Bowen and Shulman write about the characteristics that make athletes more coveted by Ivy League schools: One of these characteristics can be thought of as drive--a strong desire to succeed and unswerving determination to reach a goal, whether it be winning the next game or closing a sale. Similarly, athletes tend to be more energetic than the average person, which translates into an ability to work hard over long periods of time--to meet, for example, the workload demands placed on young people by an investment bank in the throes of analyzing a transaction. In addition, athletes are more likely than others to be highly competitive, gregarious and confident of their ability to work well in groups (on teams). I
6 comments
Read more

Re: Your Inquiries

"You confuse yourselves with your actions, even with your thoughts. You barely understand that in order to be, it should not be necessary to act, and that the world changes you far more than you change it." (Malraux, The Temptation of the West, 1961 ) The world consists of wonderful people who enter and exit your life. When you let them enter, your breaths seem more thoughtful, your behaviors more scrutinized, your ideas challenged, and sometimes your brain orgasms from happiness. But when these individuals leave, you experience equally significant things like confusion and hurt. It seems okay to let someone in, someone trustworthy, good, honest, and not concern yourself with the end. As things exist in your mind, there is no harm. Intellectual promiscuity, then, is not so bad. To have intimate, intelligent conversations into the morning is not troubling, either. Sometimes when good people enter, it is not necessary to act, or specifically to resist. When people enter, their
6 comments
Read more