Letters to My Daughter

Today's first session of the community arts program for seniors and young women had the beginnings of most failed operations. Transportation--which was my greatest obstacle in outreach, and program design--presented itself as a dilemma today as I was at the grocery store picking up items for the first day of program. The girls called to tell me that they had missed their bus. I immediately called the Board of Education, Transportation department. I will have a conversation with them tomorrow morning. It was quite a fiasco. The students did not know what time the bus left--no one had asked me that. I should have found out what time, and where the bus would be so I could tell the girls. I was just busy trying to get in touch with the girls, to see if they had even received their passes! I will need a new approach. I will need to send each student permission slips acknowledging how they will get home. I do not understand why I hadn't thought of that before. The session was great. ...

Today I threw away a piece of paper I had been carrying in my wallet, for 2 weeks now. I had kept this business card for a long time. I had felt its letters, the thickness of the quality paper on which was printed a name, a phone number, a title. I had kept the card for a long time and today I threw it away. I felt relieved to throw away the card. Why keep something you don't need? My wallet is overflowing with receipts, papers, (sadly not cash), but still, the coins I carry make my wallet heavy. This card made me heavy. I felt good to let it go. Why hold onto something you don't need? If it was a job that brought you displeasure, that consumed your public life, then why endure? There are no children to feed, no bills to pay. It is only a useless enterprise for things you cannot take with you when you die. Sometimes it is good to be let go of.. Sometimes, however, it is much easier to hold on to scraps and pieces of something, even when you know it is not the same, not what you...

"It is He who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love). WHen they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah their Lord saying: 'If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall ever be grateful" (Surah Araf, 189).

5/2017 Yaseen is now a sensitive and brilliant 8 year old. He is a young man who is taking care of his mother, and is her best friend. I remember this first meeting with Yaseen as a baby, and how overcome I was with emotion. In April 2015, when I was expecting Fatima,  I got a call from my dear friend about her impending divorce with Yaseen's father. It was just yesterday that I met this little baby who is now the man of his house. They live in Boston, and I hope to visit them one day. I call her, and ask about Yaseen once a month. I also sent her a birthday gift last year, when I remembered what it would feel like to be in her position. Our relationships are disappointing and fulfilling at the same time, and the wisdom in these early journal entries amazes me. There is so much for me to learn, now in my 30s, and so much for my young daughter to learn. My dear friend has not yet met my daughter, given the whirlwind of her life. I remember the nights when I was nursing Fatima, the ...

"Joining a radical movement when one is young is very much like falling in love when one is young. The girl may turn out to be rotten, but the experience of love is so valuable it can never be entirely undone by the ultimate disenchantment.” Irving Kristol's words resonated with me today as i considered the early days of activism that I thought defined me as an individual. I began to shift through old emails I had accumulated and was overcome by the nostalgia of a former self I did not recognize. I came across a conversation--how I love that our conversations these days are permanently saved on gmail-- that left me puzzled. In the conversation, my late friend Conor advised me to "recognize the one," to basically stop wandering when I had already arrived at clarity. How strange, that five years ago, he knew what I needed, what I still need to hear. He had told me this five years ago. Five years ago. How extraordinary is the life of every human being that finds herself...

I am happy to report that the world has changed dramatically since my last post. The World, with a capital W, has changed because of war, the new President, the market meltdown, and overall shoddy economic times. Given that there are many insightful, well written posts about the state of the world and its complexities, I will remain focused on my narcissistic musings, as I remember that was the original purpose of this blog. First, the world has changed for me. The preponderance of babies and weddings in the world has shown me how incredibly normal, humbling, and special it is to be part of the celebration of new relationships, to be in the presence of a product of those very things. Weddings, and celebrations, I imagined would be ending once marriage season ended, with friends getting married but now I am entering a world in which women (my age or not) are giving birth, buying houses, creating homes--being MARRIED. After two years, I must admit I am a rather unfortunate learner. In m...

When picking a potential spouse, it is the disposition of the daughter in law (what I will refer to as the "Willingness of the Wife" or WoW) that determines her success or failure at building a relationship with her in-laws? I have recently discovered two instances in which the Willingness of the Wife (or lack thereof) to spend time with her inlaws was the cause of separation. In one case, the wife refused to bond with her mother-in-law, refused to visit even though she lived down the street. In another case, the girlfriend chose to ignore her boyfriend's family at a Thanksgiving dinner celebration, instead planting herself before AIM and chatting away her evening. These two cases raised questions of WoW as the primary cause of antagonist behavior from the wife. I think daughter in laws (naturally), and women generally, prefer to do what they want to do. If individuals make decisions based on their preferences, then why is there a double standard when it comes to the cho...